Claudette Dies
by Wenchicus Thoticus
Summary: Claudette, as you all know, has breast cancer but no one cares. So she stops caring and breaks laws. And then she dies.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I was drunk as I wrote this, and I am still drunk as I post this. It is unedited. I wonder if it's actually that much different from the stuff I write when I'm sober but we'll see.**

Once upon a midnight dreary, Claudette gave nary a fuck.

Fuck.

Well, that was what Mark said on that fateful date.

You see, Claudette, yes this is another one about Claudette's breast cancer never mentioned; well she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and she didn't have very much time left to live. But one thing. One thing was certain of her. She was gonna make damn well sure that her daughter (dotter) was going to end up with the RIGHT MAN. Because Johnny was just the best guy ever, he was so perfect and good. Claudette wanted Johnny herself. Oh his long and luscious hair as black as the heart of a raven (that was also very black). His sexy and mysterious accent. His charming demeanor and how he was oh so wonderful and friendly saying "oh hai" to everyone.

Sure she wanted to fuck Johnny but for her daughter she didn't do that. Because we all know that a grown ass woman can't survive on her own and needs a man to support her because this is the middle fucking ages. Claudette was very old, having been born in such a time, and she accepted that death had come for her. Oh the sweet sweet release of death.

And it would be coming for someone else on that fateful morning.

Mark was in his car being "very busy" whatever that entails. Claudette got a spray can of vinegar and a steak knife. She was going to die soon so she didn't really give a fuck if she went to jail.

"Oh hai Claudette" came a voice from the skies. It was God. (Because Johnny was God.)

"Oh hai God" said Claudette happily. She knew she was doing God's work. With her vicious spray can, she encroached on the car. Mark chatted away obliviously with Lisa on the phone because the power of boners was stronger than the power of reason.

Sheer force broke Claudette through the window and into the car. She released a scream of righteous fury and sprayed the everloving shit out of Mark. Mark screamed in pain and distress as his eyes sizzled and disintegrated.

"Oh bai Mark" murmured Claudette vindictively and stabbed him in the heart 23 times, the amount of times that Julius Caesar and also Euronymous from the Norwegian black metal band Mayhem had been stabbed. "I'm gonna eat your skin"

"Fuck" yelled Mark as he met his maker.

And then Claudette proceeded to skin Mark in the middle of a brightly lit parking lot in the middle of the day. Lisa would never re (I forgot the word but it is a fancy word for meet) Mark again because he was DEAD

The police showed up because Claudette had murdered a man in the middle of a brightly lit parking lot in the middle of the day. However, she dropped dead on the spot because she had a terminal illness, cancer, even though that was definitely not how cancer worked. When you have cancer you die a long and painful death and you lose all your dignity. Okay this is getting dark for a crack fic but I recently lost a relative to cancer so yeah all of Claudette;s relatives are asshole. They don't care about her at all and they just dismiss it. Wow rude. She is trapping Lisa with Johnny and killing her true love so I guess that's some decent enough revenge.

Claudette went to the morgue.

"Oh bai Lisa's Mom" said Denny. "I will fuck your daughter now"

And then Lisa proceeded to cheat on Johnny with Denny in spite of her mother's best wishes and the cause for which she had sacrificed her life. Denny was a creep of course but still. Better than Jonny am I right guys?/?

Well the world may never know because Johnny killed himself anyways once he learned of this. God is dead. Then Johnny went to heaven, but it wasn't Christian heaven. It was Johnny heaven. He excel graphed. He banked but it was confidential. Anyways how is your sex life? He got lots of flowers showered on his grave and got to pet all the dogs in the world. And when Lisa died via gunshot wound (courtesy of everyone's favorite drug dealer, Chris R) five years later she went to The Great Abyss instead of heaven or even Johnny heaven. Denny then died because he couldn't pay for anything. He was broke without his adoptive parents (one of whom he had fucked). Denny went on to live on the streets for a few years but then he got his lucky break as a chef, now he has his own cooking show and he remarried a woman named AAAAAAAAAARSHHH. She is much nicer than Lisa.

And such concludes the story of the room and Claudette's murder of oh hai Mark. There are probably lots of plot points I forgot to wrap up, but I couldn't be fucked to do it because neither could Tommy Wiseau.

Goodnight guys I hope you liked it.


	2. Fun With Google Translate

**Google Translate 1**

Claudette will die

Once a sad night came, Claudette did not do that.

Shit

Well, that is what Mark said on its destiny day.

You are a Claudette yes, this is another thing about Claudette's breast cancer that was never mentioned. Well, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she did not have much time to live. But each one was convinced of her. She was absolutely sure that her daughter (Dotter) would be the right person. Johnny was always the best man, so he was very perfect. Claudit wanted Johnny himself. Oh, like his long, tasty black hair, the otters' breasts (it was also black). His sexy and mysterious accents. His attractive attitude and what he was saying "Ohay" for everyone was wonderful and kind.

Of course, she wanted to get along with Johnny, but for her daughter she did not do that. We know that for all mature adult women to survive by themselves it does not need a man to support it because it's a half age aged. Claudette was very old, born at that moment, she agreed that death came for her. Oh, liberation from sweet and sweet death.

And another person will come this morning of fate.

Mark was told that his car was "very busy." Claudette received a box of vinegar and meat's knife. As he intended to die soon, he did not mind whether he would go to jail.

"Oh, Hi Claudetto" gave out a voice from heaven. It was a god (as Johnny was a god)

"Oh, my god," Claudette said happily. She knew that she was doing the work of God. With her powerful aerosol can, she invaded the car. Mark talked with Lisa on the phone unconsciously. Because the power of erection was stronger than the power of reason.

The power broke Claudette from the window and in the car. He shouted angrily and broke Mark 's shit. Mark sued and suffered pain when the eyes trembled and collapsed.

"Mark · by ah," he murmured Claudette violently stabbed him 23 times in his mind, double the amount of Julius Caesar and Euronymoth Norway's Black Metal Band Mayhem was stabbed. "I am going to eat your skin"

"Fuck" mark cried when I met a creators.

And Claudette advanced to divide Mark in the middle of a bright parking space in the day. Lisa never returned to the original (I forgot the word, but it is an elegant word)

The police seemed to have lit Claudette for half a day and killed a person in the midst of the parking lot. However, he died because it was a terminal disease, but he was not a cure for cancer. If you become cancer, you will have a long and painful death and you will lose all dignity. Well, it has become dark due to the FIC, but recently, all parents of Claudette were poor and lost a loved one. They do not mind at all, they simply remove it. Thick wow. He imprisoned Lisa with Johnny and killed real love, so I think that is a decent vengeance.

Claudette went to the morgue.

"Oh, Bai Lisa's mother," Denny said. "I am going to fuck with your girl now"

And Lisa cheated Johnny Denny, despite his mother and their best wishes because they were sacrificing his life. Denny, of course, was cruevo, but always. It's better than Johnny, is not it? /?

Well, if Johnny knew about it, Jackie was killed anyway, so the world might not know. God is dead. So Johnny went to heaven, but it was not a Christian paradise. It was Johnny heaven. He was graphically superior. It hit, but it was confidential. Anyway, how is your sexual life? They gave him a lot of flowers in the grave and kept all the dogs in the world. In the case that Lisa died of gunshot wounds (courtesy of everyone's favorite dealer medicine, Chris R), five years later he went to paradise instead of Great Abyss or Johnny heaven. Denny died because he was unable to pay anything. He was broken without adoption's parents (one of whom was fucked). Denny continued to live on the street for several years, but after that there was an opportunity to rest as a chef, but now he has his own dish and a woman named AAAAAAAAAARSHHH remarried. She is far better than Lisa.

And it ends the story of Claude's plays and murder case, Oh, Mark. Probably to the plot, forgetting to close many points there, probably I could not blame him for either Tommy Wissau.

afternoon

 **Google Translate 2**

Claudette did it

When the sad night came, Crawford did not.

Shit

Well, Mark said, fate.

You Claudette, yes, that's another thing Claudet never mentioned. She was then diagnosed with breast cancer and did not have much time to live. But everyone believes it. He is absolutely convinced that his daughter (Duter) will be the right person. Johnny is always the best person, so he is perfect. Claude Jones wants John himself. Oh, how long, tasty brunette, tits boobs (with black). His sexy and mysterious accent. His charming approach and what he called "Olympics" for everyone is beautiful and beautiful.

Of course he wanted to attend Johnny, but he did not do it to his daughter. We know that all older women should not support him because they are half age. Claudel was very old and was born at the same time and agreed to die for her. Truly, sweet and sweet dead were reported.

Another man came to this fate this morning.

Mark said his car is "very busy." Claudette picked up a box of vinegar and a cleaver. When he died shortly afterwards, he was not worried about prison.

"Hello, Claudio Delto," he made a noise from the sky. There is a God (just like John is God)

"Oh, my God," said Kiron happily. He knew he had a job of God. A powerful gun with a spray gun hit the car. Mark did not know it was talking to Lisa on the phone. Because the strength of the erection is stronger than that of sympathy.

Electricity has broken windows and clouds and cars. He shouted angrily and broke Mark's shit. Marcus sued and suffered as his eyes collapsed.

"Mark" Om said: "Creeping took him 23 times to force him to double the number of emperors in his head and the black Norwegian black band was shot to death" I eat leather. "

When I met these creatures, "looting" cried.

Claudette moved through a bright parking lot during the day to share signals. Lisa did not return to her original position (I forgot the word, but this is a modern word)

The policemen inhaled for half a day and killed a car in the middle of the car. However, he died because he had the last disease, but he had no cancer. If you become cancer, you will have a long and painful death and you will lose all of humanity. Well, because of the top of the hill, it was dark, but all the great cludts were bad recently and lost their loved ones. They do not care, just delete it. Wow wow. He took Annie Johnny to kill the real lover, so I think it is a decent honor.

Crowt went to the monastery.

"Oh, my sister's mother," Danny said. "I'll kill your girl now"

Despite her mother and hopes, Lisa tortured Johnny Denny because he sacrificed his life. Of course, Danny is Kroev, but that's always the case. It's better than Johnny, is not it? /;

Well, if John knew that, Jackie would die for everything, so the world did not know it. God is dead. So John went to heaven, but it is not a Christian paradise. It's Johnny's sky. It is amazing with graphics. It's very popular, but it's confidential. Unnamed: Anyway, what about your sex life? They gave him many flowers in the grave and left all the dogs in this world. If Lisa died of gunshot wounds (all favorite animal drug and Chris R), he went to heaven five years later instead of the fat skies Johnny. Danny died because she could not afford to pay anything. He was confused by the adoptive parents (one of whom was armed). Danny still lives on the road for many years, but he has the opportunity to rest your cook. He now has his own meals and a woman named AAAAAAAAAAARHHH. It's much better than Melissa.

It ended with the story of the play and the murder of Claudia, oh Mark. Maybe in this episode, without forgetting many points there, I can not even blame him for Tammy Viseo.

Afternoon


End file.
